Ramblings of a Grouch

A dog nearly ran into me the other day.

The scene: 5.30 pm. Dark, cold, wet. End of a long day at work. Much traffic on the way home. Turning into the end of my street, big Mercedes and Range Rovers parked on the corner (handy for the Mason's lodge) so 12" either side of my car as I squeezed round the corner in first gear.

Changing up into second gear when WAP!!, a dog the size of a small pony leaped out in front of me from behind a parked car. I'd seen that dog before - very nice animal (something like a pale German Shepherd or a dark Husky) but rather alarming when announcing its presence in this way. I slammed my foot on the brake but, with my clutch already pushed down and half way through a gear change, I managed to rev the engine at the same time.

So startled (but unhurt) dog takes off up the street zig-zagging from road to path and back again. I followed it, parked outside my house and got out to check it was OK. At this point the four people with the dog approached me.

"Excuse me, but are you the man who hit our dog?"

"No, I'm the man whose car your dog jumped in front of. You should keep it on a lead."

"It's a trained dog."

"It's not very well trained if it runs round in the middle of the road in front of cars"

"It's a f**king trained dog!"

"No it isn't, and don't swear."

"I'll f**king swear at you if I want - you hit out f**king dog."

"OK, have it your way, but I'm going to see if your dog is alright."

"It had better f**king be."

"So, is it alright?"

"Does it f**king look alright?"

"Er, yes, it does."

"Look at its legs!"

"What about them?" I counted 4, which seemed about right.

"Well, look at them."

"I am looking. What's wrong with them?"

"I don't know. I'm not a f**king doctor."

Then they started calling their mates on their mobile phones and discussing what they were doing the next day. I was completely ignored. So I went home, reported to the police that I had not hit a dog and had my tea.

Then I thought about it. The four people with the dog were 13 or 14 years old. They knew no one would come out and tell them to shut their foul mouths up. They knew I wouldn't smack them round the ear else I would get arrested. They knew their dog was fine yet still ranted on as if I had murdered it (probably hoping I would stump up the cash for vet's fees). And be honest, who among us older than 30 would dare to speak to adults in that manner when we were their age?

I'm glad the dog was OK in the end. But if one of those kids runs out in front of me, I may just miss the brake pedal and hit the gas. I don't think I have to report running over a piece of scum to the police ...